Reward (031)

The idea of rewarding myself is such a foreign concept. I am one of those people who figures out something that they want to do and then does it. I purchase the thing that I want to purchase. I eat the food that I want to eat. I play the game that I want to play. Drawing desire out over time was not something I learned growing up. Not that we had much money, but the money we did have disappeared frivolously. When I had to wait for something that I wanted, it was typically a vacation that I had planned for some point in the future and the vacation was the reward for planning it. This is the reason I have no savings account. When I make money, I spend money. The events and guidance in my life lead me to enjoying what I have instead of planning for a day that might not come. That’s probably how my mother ended up with the same mindset.

This past year was the first time in my life that I accumulated money in a savings account. And that was for tax purposes, so I really had no choice. But it’s pretty cool to see it sitting there—mine. I didn’t always make enough money to buy myself the coolest things. I got my first job at 16 making $6.15 an hour at a movie theater with seven cinemas. My go to for late night shopping was Meijer and food from McDonald’s. I’m embarrassed by how much money I have given to McDonald’s. It was a treat for me as a kid. My mom would bring me to the one with the play zone, so I could have time with the plastic balls and climb the netting, toting along my new Happy Meal toy, while she sat at one of the tables and ate. 

I don’t purchase everything that I want. I’d fill a gymnasium with crap if that were the case. I have some control. I don’t have large debts; that is a line I’m not going to cross. But I do understand how people can get to that point. In order to push myself to the finish line, I am choosing to reward myself with small, reasonable purchases that I would probably make eventually, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. For example, when I hit 15,000 words written, I will purchase a Lush bath bomb. When my book is complete, I will have a shiny new 13” Macbook Pro. Tonight, my reward was a super hot bath, because I’m grateful to have that on my to-do list anyway.