Wagon (068)

I have completely fallen off the wagon. There is no external reason for me to be disciplined with my time. I do not report to anyone for employment, and I am no longer in school. There is no structure to my days. As a result, I have found myself turning slowly into the person who I despise most. I am a lump on the couch, consuming content of other creative people while the creativity in me rots. 

Today is the first day since being back at home that I have felt like the post-vacation slump has faded. This was helped by the fact that today was the last meeting of Bullshit Rehab. It was the last deadline for figuring out some work toward my major goal of finishing a book. This goal will never be achieved if I continue to melt into the couch every day without working on my own creative endeavors. 

My goal for tomorrow is to figure out a simple, realistic daily schedule to get my ass back on the wagon. I can take off no more than one day in a row once this starts. When I allow myself to take more than one day away from my schedule, I allow more and then stay off the wagon. My action goals for every day include: continuing morning paragraphs and Daily Stoic, starting an exercise regimen beginning with walking on the treadmill daily, meditation courses with Headspace, eating a healthy breakfast and lunch that are not takeout, and then spending at least two hours working on my book. 

I was once so disciplined that I lost a ton of weight, got a promotion at work, and maintained my own home post separation. I don't want to be on the same wagon again, but a very similar one. An overarching goal of mine is to find mental and physical stability again. I have the keys; the wagon just needs a tune up.