Let's Play Operation

Every 25 days, I threaten to take a sharp knife to my abdomen in order to remove my uterus. It’s never done me any good, and it never will. What is the point in keeping it? Last night I had the thought, why stop there?

I love to eat—perhaps I love it too much—and my stomach loves to make acid. Also, too much. Even when I have corrected my diet and eaten much healthier foods on a regular basis. Even when I worked out when eating healthier foods and lost a lot of weight. It always makes too much acid. I’m 35 and I sleep in an inclined position so that I do not wake up with stomach acid in my esophagus every night. Antacids are never far in my home. I fear this will cause me to get the same mouth cancer as Grannie, but at a much younger age. This is the cancer that is currently killing her. Goodbye, stomach. 

While we’re in the digestive tract, let’s discuss this colon. Unless I actively take probiotics every day (and sometimes even those don’t help), using the toilet is a nightmare. I’ll leave it at that to spare you details. My mother was diagnosed with stage 3c colon cancer at just 48 years old. The doctors said it had to have been growing in her for about 9 years. Her tumor was the size of a cantaloupe. She’d had horrible symptoms for almost that length of time—the same symptoms I am starting to have now—but she just never went to the doctor. I am now due for a colonoscopy but do not have health insurance. Goodbye, colon.

There is no question about my gallbladder. It’s a likely source of issues above; I was diagnosed with gallbladder disease at 19, but the doctors refused to take it out because I was “too young for that.” I call bullshit. Goodbye, gallbladder. 

As much as my generation is picked on for drinking too much (excuse me, boomers, look at yourselves), I have never really abused my liver with heavy intoxication. My body doesn’t handle it well and I get violently ill from very few drinks, comparatively speaking. As far as I know, my liver has never caused me any issues because I believe my stomach to be at fault for the alcohol ills. Liver can stay. 

My kidneys work well to filter out the sugary shit I put into them. There was one exception to this: I had emergency kidney stone removal surgery three years ago, the day before my dog Yoshi died. I did not have insurance at the time, but I was lucky because the hospital helped me sign up retroactively for Medicaid. Nearly all my expenses were covered. If they promise to stop making stones, I will promise to give them more water, and kidneys can stay. 

My heart has never given me any issues. Unless, of course, we are speaking metaphorically. Heart can stay.

Here comes the doozy: this brain. Holy cow is it damaged. I have an overworking amygdala, constantly sending unwarranted distress signals to my hypothalamus. The excess cortisol levels from its hypervigilance have caused weight gain in places where it’s very difficult to lose. This brain lies to me constantly due to the trauma it has endured. It’s unwilling to accept that we don’t have to be on high alert all the time. Despite these issues, it has stored a lot of valuable information for me. It has also forgotten a lot of information I wish was still accessible. After weighing the pros and cons, I have decided to not end up like Randle McMurphy. Brain can stay. 

My skin is giving me issues lately, and I’m eager to strip my body of it. Facial skin is currently breaking out in rashes, a new development this year. It seems like eczema from everything I have read. The only thing I have not done to appease it is an elimination diet. That will come soon. For now, I’m at least tracking everything I eat, which is a good start. Though, without a stomach and colon to digest anything, perhaps the rashes will clear up. Also, my face still breaks out with pimples and my pores are starting to stretch, despite every effort to control these issues. Skin cancer is likely in my future as it has plagued my genetic lineage. Otherwise, my skin tans nicely and I don’t have overly active hair follicles. I suppose I should hang onto the one organ that’s actually keeping the other remaining organs intact. Skin can stay.