Is this feeling well?

I actually feel really good today; honestly, I don’t mind attributing it to the fact that I ingested 9.17 mg of sativa around 11am. I had some healthy shit for breakfast and I stretched and did some squats and I have energy. It’s really fucking nice. 

Barenaked Ladies are playing over the sound bar that used to be in our living room. I can see that, and soon you’ll be that, I will never do anything. I used to jam out to these guys and dance and sing around the living room and my bedroom as a teenager. I miss that. I had so much fun stuff on my walls. It was what kept me company in those times. 

What did I have for breakfast, you might be wondering. Roughly 4oz wild caught Alaskan steelhead salmon, 6oz raspberries, 15.2oz pineapple peach kombucha, and about 14oz cookies and cream flavored black coffee. Once I finished up what I wanted to eat in that sitting, I grabbed the sea foam blue-green bubba cup for fresh ice water and headed upstairs. 

Two of my packages just arrived in the mailbox. Mike’s Valentine’s Day gift arrived earlier, and I ran downstairs to grab it before he could. Then I promptly opened it and blacked out the company name on the label. Mike is on his way home, and I called to ask that he grab my two packages. They are David’s Tea and Oats Overnight. I cannot wait to try this stuff. One of the flavors of tea is Sweet Hearts and it said it tastes like SweeTarts, so I am hoping that’s true. It looked good, so why not? I was able to stop myself from purchasing a tumbler from them. I have enough drinkware to last a lifetime. When they get destroyed, I will purchase more. However, I did purchase the double-sided perfect spoon to measure out loose leaf tea and matcha. 

I wanted to try a new milk, and I had just ordered the Oats Overnight this week after Simply Cristine the Science Queen collaborated with them to create a new flavor and designed a bottle to make them in. The directions are simple: fill to the line with your chosen milk and dump in the package contents, and proceed to shake the shit out of it and shove it into the refrigerator overnight. In the morning, shake shake shake again and gulp oats. Cristine’s one rule: lick the top when you pop it. I digress; I started talking about milk. Someone in one of the online groups I belong to suggested this plant-based milk from Ripple while asking people to look for it at local stores. I happened to find it and bought a three-pack. The milk expires in two months, so I’ll use that for the Oats Overnight first. 

It feels really good to get new nightstands and have some storage next to the bed under the surface that I use for my night time necessities. The sconces I’ve held onto for seven years are also mounted to the wall above the bed. Mike and I each have a soft yellow light to see by that is easily reached from a lying position. What prompted me to finally hang the sconces was Mike asking me to get a board game out of the way that I built in 2009 or 2010 for a Graphic Design class at the local community college. The professor told me it was production quality and seemed to be impressed. It’s been horizontally collecting dust since we moved into this apartment, and it found itself in his arm’s way. Because I finally had a reason to do it, it’s now above the Golden Tee arcade machine in the loft. 

Hung within ten minutes of writing this, the action inspiring me to continue this trend of decorating, is the heavy, cut metal guitar pic that reads “Music is What Feelings Sound Like” in bold cut out serif letters. Its unicorn rainbow finish satiates my desire for a colorful office. 

One of the grand baby spider plants just found a new home on my nightstand’s front right corner. It looks good hanging over the edge with its own draped baby. Upon entering the room, three wooden plaques are now set to greet. The oval mirror stands opposite my biological father’s robust cedar chest, a near match in color. I say biological father like I had a non-biological father. I did not. I watched my mother try to bring one into my life and end up miserable multiple times. She did not know how to let go when they weren’t right. It took me a long time to unlearn her pattern. 

I’m content with my current situation despite the process of understanding how to enjoy the relaxed life that I’ve built is taking longer than I’d hoped. It’s slowly happening. Self-sabotaging expectations are not easy to let go. This apartment is the first place I have truly wanted to designate home and felt comfortable enough to do it.